UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young
If you awaken your soul, you will change.
– Gabrielle Roth
How often do we become angry or frustrated with others or the world because things do not go the way we want? This can be an occasional reaction when our favourite team loses, the car breaks down the day we have an important meeting or a friend cancels at the last minute.
Sometimes, however, it seems to be a lifelong pattern. Perhaps emotional needs were not met in childhood and there seems to be a void. This void can become like a black hole that draws into it more and more of the same feelings. Some people may feel their parents were not there for them and they might often be disappointed by friends and frequently let down by a partner.
Sometimes, individuals in this situation become people pleasers, feeling that if they do a lot for others, more will come back to them. They may empathize with others and nurture them, but with the expectation that the other person will ‘be there’ in return to meet their own needs on demand. Often, a life of drama ensues and a victim persona develops; the individual moves farther and farther away from what he/she really wants, and, in fact, creates the opposite.
Let’s look at what is really going on here. We have talked about the ego aspect of our being and we understand it is the more primitive part of us that thinks primarily of itself. It sees things only from its own perspective, rarely seeing, understanding or validating the perspective of another. It wants its needs met and becomes frustrated or angry when they are not. Ego may even turn on itself, generating feelings of worthlessness and self-judgment or criticism, based on the fact that others did not conform to its expectations. It creates polarity thinking, seeing things in terms of good guy/bad guy. Ego is always, of course, the good guy, which automatically makes the other person bad.
Ego develops in childhood. It is a basic program that comes already “installed” and for a long time it is the default program. Ideally, as we evolve in consciousness, we continually ‘upgrade’ our program.
Higher consciousness, or what I think of as soul, is also pre-installed, but we have to learn how to access it and run it. Once we know what it is, we have to choose to run it. Ego will still try to keep running in the background, but we use our powers of conscious choice to bypass it.
If we do not, or cannot, make this choice, ego remains the default program. This means that the ego perceptions of the past are brought into the present. Life events are viewed through the prism of past ego interpretations and are refracted into aspects of past conditioning and beliefs.
Further, this ‘distorted’ view is also used to predict the future so one reacts to present life circumstances as if they are continuations of old, negative dramas. Further, the future, which is clear, open and filled with multiple possible outcomes, instead becomes contaminated with ego predictions. The old ego ideas are projected onto the future and so that is what is created.
We need to recognize the tremendous power of our thoughts. It is our thoughts that create our reality. Do we want the limited, primitive, unevolved ego to be creating our reality? If so, life will be characterized by anxiety, conflict, stress, troubled relationships, dissatisfaction, depression, anger, communication problems, negativity, criticism and judgment of self and others.
However, when we allow our higher consciousness, or soul essence, to guide our thoughts and actions, we choose a life characterized by a balanced mood, healthy communication, positive relationships, self-validation, understanding, compassion, acceptance and a relaxed approach to life.
What differentiates us from other species is our ability to consciously choose. If our lives are not the way we would like them to be, rather than blaming others for our circumstances and replaying the same old ‘movie,’ we need to create a new script. But this time, we are the sole producer and director.
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For articles and information about her books and CDs, visit www.gwen.ca