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It's
Time to Get Serious About Humour
By Swami Beyondananda
 Hello
everybody - it is great to be here ... and you know what? We really
have no choice. Because no matter where we are, we are always here.
And it is always now. In fact, there’s even a book called The
Power of Now. I haven’t had time to read it yet, but I hope
to get to it in a later now.
Meanwhile, back in this now, the issue in the United States, and indeed
the world is, why did George Bush give in to his Big Iraq Attack and
order up a war? Latest reports say that the war to force a regime
change in Iraq cost $200 billion. It is puzzling to me why some of
those fiscal fitness fanatics in the Republican Party didn’t
try to find a cheaper way to do it. Maybe if they had offered the
Iraqis half - $100 billion - they could have done it themselves. Then
there would still be $100 billion left to spend on regime change in
this America.
Because - and I have to be blunt here - the folks in charge are fossils
fuelled by fossil fuels. And in the reptilian brain, problems aren’t
solved, they’re attacked. Like the War on Poverty. Remember
that? I’m happy to report that it’s finally over. The
poor people have all surrendered. And take the War on Drugs - please!
How many billions have they spent? My solution is cheaper and more
effective ... improve reality!
Now we have the War on Terrorism. We’re going to terrorize those
terrorists into giving up terrorism if it’s the last thing we
do! And it just might be. The good news is - and I have it on the
Highest Authority - there will indeed be peace on Earth. Whether we
humans are around to enjoy it, that is up to us.
No wonder there is so much fear, uncertainty and confusion on the
planet. I’ll tell you how bad it’s gotten. You’ve
heard of Heisenberg’s Uncertainty Principle? Well, they’re
not even sure about that anymore. And so, more and more people are
turning to the mystics for answers.
I have often said there are two kinds of mystics, the optimystics
and the pessimystics. Now pessimystics seem to be more in touch with
"reality," but optimystics are happier and live longer for
some reason. The pessimystics have been crying, "The sky is falling,
the sky is falling!" The optimystics say, "No. It just looks
that way because we are ascending."
Now, for those people who read the news - not to mention those unfortunate
enough to be in the news - last year was not an easy year to keep
an optimystic attitude with so much pessimystic evidence. Call me
a hopeless "hopium" addict, but I choose to accentuate the
positive. For example, you can say we human beings have moved further
down the path of self-destruction. Or you could say the Earth is ridding
itself of a virulent parasite.
You can despair over continuing war, disease and starvation, or you
can go, "Hey, population control the good, old fashioned way
- without birth control or abortion." Who says "compassionate
conservative" is an oxymoron?
You can worry about the government taking liberties with our liberties
or you can say, "Life has become simpler! They’ve boiled
the Bill of Rights down to just one: You have the right to remain
silent."
So I am not going to dwell on the negative. As my guru Harry Cohen
Baba used to say, "Life is like photography ... we use the negative
to develop." So let us look at the bright side.
Like technological advances, for example. Forty years ago President
John F. Kennedy promised to have a man on the moon by the end of the
1960s. Well, we have far exceeded that. Thanks to the so-called Patriot
Act, George Bush can have a man on Uranus by the end of the week.
George Bush was responsible for a great spiritual advance last year,
as well. He upgraded the Golden Rule for the new millennium. It’s
now the Gold Rule: "Doodoo unto others before they can doodoo
unto you."
And - say what you will - President Bush has made great strides on
behalf of minority representation. Never before was there a President
who was looking out for a smaller minority.
Now this is the State of the Universe Address, and seen from that
higher perspective, things look great! I am happy to report that the
Universe continued to expand in 2002, and in fact, they actually had
to let the Photon Belt out a another notch. An expanding Universe
means more jobs too, so we can expect a steady influx of aliens looking
for work. Yep, the Universe just keeps purring in perfection, ever-changing
as usual. The planets continue to harmoniously spin in their orbits,
and except for the occasional case of asteroids, they just calmly
go about their business.
Meanwhile, back here on earth, things are a bit more problematical.
We still haven’t fully recovered from that vicious dogma attack
of 911. But as an optimystic, I believe you can indeed teach an old
dogma new tricks, simply by changing the emphasis to another syllable.
Instead of focusing only on emergency measures, why not take emerge
‘n see measures?
When we emerge from our fearful hiding places and see from the cosmic
comic perspective, we realize that beneath all the stress and distress
and sadness in life there is a deep well of joy. Each time we let
laughter bubble up from the well, we experience deep wellness. Levity
helps us overcome gravity, especially when we shine the light of laughter
on those poorly-lit corridors of power.
Do you know what the leading cause of terrorism is? It’s seriousness.
I’m serious. Think about it. Those people have no sense of humour.
Otherwise how could they believe they will get to heaven by putting
other people through hell? Here is my vision: A suicide bomber arrives
at the Gates of Heaven, and God clops him over the head and says,
"schmuck! What’d you do that for? 72 virgins? You get one
72-year-old virgin, and his name starts with Ayatollah!"
But if Americans are willing to revive the Iraqi Horror Picture Show
just to feed our out-of-control oil habit, how are we that different?
How many innocents have been put through hell, just to preserve our
little corner of relative heaven? There is no real peace without harmony
and balance, only the vicious cycle of injustice. Peons get tired
of getting peed on, right? You get pissed on, and pretty soon you’re
gonna get pissed off. This causes the hot spots to flare, and pretty
soon you have an uprising, which usually results in a downfall. All
these uprisings and downfalls can be wearing on the body politic.
Fortunately, we do have a choice. One of my favourite stories recently
is about a Native American grandfather talking to his young grandson.
He tells the boy he has two wolves inside of him struggling with each
other. The first is the wolf of peace, love and kindness. The other
wolf is fear, greed and hatred. "Which wolf will win, grandfather?"
asks the young boy. "Whichever one I feed," is the reply.
Every day - every moment - we have the choice to feed the wolf of
love or the wolf of fear. It is interesting that we are called humankind.
What better time than now to find out, can mankind treat man kindly?
I have a dream ... I call it tell-a-vision. I say, if you’re
dissatisfied with the current programming, you can turn off your TV
and tell a vision instead. Here is my vision: Remember the Manhattan
Project during World War II? It took less than four years for a group
of scientists to develop the first weapon of mass destruction. My
vision is, we can do even better for an even worthier goal. We could
call it the Manhelpin’ Project, and its purpose would be to
develop the first weapon of mass construction instead.
Think about it. What if we had used that $200 billion detonated in
Iraq, and put it toward becoming the worldwide leader in renewable,
clean, sustainable energy sources? Now there’s some real power.
Create something so plentiful you don’t have to pay an army
to protect your share. A healthy income, a healthy outcome ... what
could possibly make more sense? Boy, talk about feeding two birds
with one scone!
The choice is up to us. If we want an alternative, we must feed the
"alter native" economy ... anything that alters us natives
for the better. The world we live in is a byproduct of the products
we buy, is it not? What if we only choose to buy products with healthy
byproducts? Think about this: there are at least 45 million Americans
who consciously want to feed the wolf of peace. If each of us switched
just $100 into the alter native economy, that would be $4.5 billion!
Last year, we launched a blisskrieg and declared "all out peace."
I’m happy to report it is already working. More people are letting
their inner peace out, and these outbreaks of peace are actually causing
esteem to rise! And we all know that rising esteem is good for the
atmosphere. As esteem rises, more people on the planet will be able
to be all that they can be - without joining the army. And when more
of us put our energy into love and laughter instead of criticizing
and condemning, we will have Uncritical Mass ... and we will bring
about Nonjudgment Day, and along with it, Disarmaggedon. Now you might
be wondering, what will Nonjudgment Day look like? Let me tell another
vision.
I have been to the heights of levity, and I have seen people all over
the world dancing together in the universal dance of fool realization
... The Hokey Pokey. I want you to hold this vision with me: all of
the world leaders at the United Nations beginning their sessions with
the Hokey Pokey. What if Ariel Sharon and Yasser Arafat put their
whole selves in in? That would be commitment. And then pulled their
whole selves out. That is detachment. Then they turn themselves around,
which is transformation. And that, my friends, is what it is all about!
So, how can you help raise the laugh force on the planet enough to
bring about Nonjudgment Day? You can take a vow of levity, and laugh
more. Support everyone’s right to laugh by joining the Right
To Laugh Party... "One big party, everyone is invited. All for
fun, and fun for all."
Commit random acts of comedy. Practice Fun Shui and leave the world
a funnier place. Anything to elicit a moment of of fool-realization
with a spark of laughter. Because only when we lovingly laugh at our
foolishness, can we seriously change things for the better . May you
wake up laughing and leave laughter in your wake ... and may the Farce
be with you!
Swami Beyondananda & Friends are live in Vancouver May 14. For
an evening filled with Cosmic Comedy and Healing Laughter don’t
miss "The Way of the Foo Ling Master" starring Swami Beyondananda
‘Steve Bhaerman’, also featuring special guests Swami
Cahonananda a.k.a. Jeffrey Armstrong and Swami Deep Throat Chakra
a.k.a. Jerry DesVoignes. Early Bird Concert 7-7:30pm ~ Pure Piano
featuring ‘Swami Joe’ a.k.a. Joseph Roberts. Wednesday,
May 14, 7:30pm, $25 at the door, no plastic. Centre for Peace, Burrard
& 15th. (604) 267-6567.
For more on how you can promote healing laughter and transformational
comedy visit www.wakeuplaughing.com
or call Swami’s hotline at 1-800-SWAMI-BE.
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