UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young

A long-term relationship becomes rocky, a loved one dies, a job comes to an end, a chronic illness is diagnosed, a child becomes a teenager, a young adult leaves home - life as we knew it will never be the same. Sometimes these changes are met with struggle and conflict, or sadness and grief. The sense of who we are or were becomes shattered.

A process begins, as when labour begins for a pregnant woman, that seems self-propelled, regardless of our preferences. Something is moving, seeming to carry us along with it. If we are unprepared for or inexperienced with major life changes, this movement can feel like an earthquake. It can leave us feeling unstable, insecure, vulnerable and even frightened.

Some respond by trying to alter the reality to make things more like they were. Others just hunker down, resigned to feeling miserable, and wait for the worst to be over. Then there are those who see the wave coming, know they must prepare for it, ride it for all they are worth, knowing it will transform them.

In order to do this, there needs to be a surrender - a letting go of what was, along with our preference for it to be that way. Knowing never to turn our backs to the ocean, we need to keep our heads up, look forward and notice what we are being carried towards.

An interesting thing happens as we find ourselves in that void between the life we had planned, and the life that is unfolding - the life that is wanting to be ours. Like the novice swimmer who struggles unsuccessfully to float because he is fighting against the water in order to master it, it is when we surrender and relax that we discover there is something bigger, more powerful than our own ego operating.

There is something that holds and supports us.

The experience of this vast energy may be interpreted in as many ways as there are cultures, traditions, even individuals. When we transcend our ego - our bounded self - we experience spirit. Life crises have a way of cracking open the walls of our ego boundaries and tossing us carelessly onto an unfamiliar, expansive and endless ocean of spirit.

Some cope by turning to substances or worldly distractions to numb themselves, and in doing so deny themselves the experience of a significant life passage. Just as the newborn must traverse a dark, pressure-filled passage before emerging into the light, sometimes it is our most challenging and painful experiences that carry us to new levels of awareness.

A threshold is there for the passing. We may summon our courage and take a leap, or go forth wide-eyed and trusting. Sometimes it feels as though we are catapulted, kicking and screaming all the way.

Whichever way it happens, if we are willing, we can touch that place of oneness. Having moved beyond the safe confines of our ego-world, we can feel a connectedness with the whole. That is when we experience spirit. It feels familiar, comfortable and we feel at home there.

We recognize it because that same energy is at the core of our being. Buried under layers of conditioning and thought-forms about who we are, we may never have felt it. Our essence is soul or spirit. We cannot know what our face looks like until we look into a mirror.

When we cross that threshold and behold spirit - that wonder and mystery connecting all that is - we come face to face with the true recognition of who we are. We have "birthed" into a new level of awareness, we have recognized our spirit. This is what we came here to do. It is here that the real journey begins.

Gwen Randall-Young is a psychotherapist and author of numerous books including Dancing Soul: The Voice of Spirit Evolving. gwendall@shaw.ca, www.gwen.ca