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by Gwen Randall-Young
Your mind is a sacred enclosure into which nothing harmful can
enter except by your permission.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson
Emotional turmoil occurs when we put a negative interpretation on
whatever is happening in our lives. Often the struggle is with attachment.
Wanting things to be a certain way or people to act in accordance
with our wishes, or it is with a reluctance to accept change. It is
almost as though individuals feel under attack; or that the universe
is consciously sabotaging our plans or wishes.
Sometimes the source of angst is comments from others, or knowledge
that someone is not pleased with us. I have witnessed clients agonize
for days or years over negative judgments others hold of them. They
vacillate between defending themselves and launching their own attacks,
if only in their thoughts, against their critics.
Disappointment in others, or in the way things are, creates toxicity
in our mind/body system. This is not to say that we should never be
disappointed, only that we should not remain in this state, dwelling
upon the awfulness of it all. We either decide there is nothing we
can do and let it go, or we determine an appropriate course of action,
moving forward to implement it. Then we let it go.
Of course many things will happen in life that go against our preferences.
We can develop the grace that comes from our essential humility: we
are not, after all, in charge of very much. We do have control over
how we interpret events, and how we react. Witness two scenes from
the movie, Titanic. First, consider the orchestra members who continued
to make music as the ship slowly sank. They knew the end was near,
but boldly chose to do what they loved right to the end, in spite
of their fear. Then there was the elderly couple who also knew it
was the end, and chose to lay in each other’s arms, rather than
to participate in a panic-filled escape attempt which would surely
have separated them.
Thankfully, our challenges generally are not of this magnitude. If
we begin to think of our minds as sacred enclosures, we can be very
selective as to what we allow to circulate in them. As with a garden,
we can weed it regularly, getting rid of anything that detracts from
what we wish to cultivate. As we choose to avoid toxic chemicals,
so we can avoid toxic thoughts.
Toxic thoughts include those that are judgmental, critical, or polarizing,
either in relation to others or to ourselves. Such thoughts may originate
in our own minds, or may come from what others say. Tempting as it
can be to gossip, doing so fills our consciousness with toxicity.
When we listen to such talk, we are giving another permission to contaminate
our sacred enclosure. When we say such things, we contaminate the
consciousness of others.
Self-talk can be just as damaging. Self-criticism undermines our sense
of worth and creates inner agitation. It can be such an integral part
of our daily thinking process that we may be scarcely aware we are
doing it. It may have nothing at all to do with others, but rather
forms a regular negative self-evaluation related to appearance or
performance. Some individuals contaminate their own minds in the complete
absence of any negativity from others. In spite of an outward appearance
of success, they undermine themselves from within.
Self-talk can also occur in relation to others. When upset, we often
carry both sides of an imaginary conversation with an adversary. The
physical body does not differentiate between the stresses generated
by real conversations or imaginary ones. When we play real or imaginary
conversations over and over in our minds, we continue to re-contaminate
ourselves.
Toxic thoughts are like viruses. Developing wisdom and peace of mind
requires that we strengthen the “immune system” of our
consciousness. We do this by choosing healthy patterns in our dealings
with others, in our relationship with ourselves. It also requires
setting clear boundaries with ourselves and others, making a conscious
decision to no longer entertain toxic thoughts or conversations.
Regardless of what is happening in our lives, we can keep ourselves
from being harmed in the same way that healthcare workers can avoid
contracting the illnesses they treat. If we develop a healthy immunity
to psychological toxicity by adopting strong values and clear boundaries,
and practise good mental hygiene, our minds will become not only sacred
enclosures, but peaceful sanctuaries.
Gwen Randall-Young
is a psychotherapist and author of Dancing Soul: The Voice of Spirit
Evolving gwendall@shaw.ca www.gwen.ca
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