Like many people I stumbled upon success, never having planned to design a life-management program or write a weight-loss book. In my early twenties I managed a chain of health clubs, competed in fitness shows like Ms. Galaxy, appeared in magazines and on television and taught aerobics. By most standards I had a great life. With long blonde hair, a great physique, and a climbing career I appeared to be successful and happy. But I always felt like something was missing. I was always striving for the next goal, never enjoying or even acknowledging the one I’d just accomplished.
Being fit was all about the outside image and I was hard on myself. I put myself on insanely strict diet and exercise regimens for a few months and then once I was in shape would eat whatever I wanted and stop exercising. When I started to gain a few pounds, I’d start my cycle all over again. There was absolutely no balance in my life.
After a few years I grew increasingly frustrated with the fitness circuit. I decided that maybe marriage and babies would make me happier. Because I did everything with fierce determination, within no time I was married and pregnant with my first daughter. I was sure this “new life” would soon make me happy.
Pregnancy was the perfect excuse to eat what I wanted and gain weight without anybody judging me. I craved greasy cheeseburgers and ate them almost every day. My weight started to climb but I didn’t care. I was sick of being so body beautiful. Eventually I quit my job and gave up exercising. No longer a career woman, I intended to be the perfect homemaker. With immaculate floors and homemade bread, I was adamant about doing this job impeccably.
Weighing close to 200 pounds when my first daughter was born, I never imagined that gaining weight could so profoundly affect my life. I had never lived as a heavy person before or experienced the world through this larger body. It may sound shallow or trivial but I learned first hand that life is incredibly different when you are not thin and beautiful. But, I loved my baby and I tried to convince myself that it no longer mattered how I looked.
Within a year, I was pregnant again. With two healthy daughters, a committed husband and a beautiful home, I should have been happy, yet all I could focus on was my weight. I was tired, lonely, and searching for something more, so I ate comfort food and watched Oprah.
My breaking point finally came one night as I sat cuddled up in my rocking chair nursing my baby. I realized that I didn’t even know who I was or what I wanted for my life. Looking down at my precious child and thinking of my sleeping two-year-old, I realized I was cheating them. I was no longer that dynamic, positive woman I had once been. It was time I treated myself with more respect and showed them that life was all about choices.
The next morning I dragged myself out of bed and headed out to run while everyone else slept. I stopped several times, heaving for breath. Shocked at how out of shape I was, halfway down the road I turned around and walked back. But, I began demanding more for my life and refused to find comfort in a bag of potato chips. I realized that I was the only one who could give myself love, validation and worth. Instead of waiting for permission to live, I did what I loved without compromising my values or beliefs. Within six months, I was running 10 kilometres, five or six days a week and I weighed in at 121 pounds.
I have discovered that the process of taking care of yourself, being comfortable in your own skin and demanding more from your life opens the door to joy. Living with passion and following your life path is the most effective weight-loss aid available to mankind. In fact, I sometimes wonder if my message to women is even about weight loss at all.

Crystal Andrus is a popular Canadian fitness expert and motivational speaker. This article is the first in a 12-part series.
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