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UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young
Men are disturbed not by things that
happen, but by their opinions of the things that happen.
– Epictetus (55-135)
Epictetus wrote those words such a long, long time ago, and we are still trying to really grasp the truth of this concept.
Imagine you are dreaming a bad dream, and while in the dream you are frightened or frustrated, but a part of you knows it is a dream, so does not really worry. Yet, you keep slipping back into the dream, forgetting it is a dream, and reacting emotionally as though the dream events are really happening to you.
Life is a little like that. On one level we know the truth of what Epictetus has said, and yet we still get drawn into the “dream” of ego perception, believing it is the external events that have disturbed us. Ego has all kinds of reactions including anger, frustration, feelings of being victimized, bitterness, resentment, anxiety, depression, and low self-esteem.
Following on the heels of these reactions may be reactionary behaviours. They may be directed outwards to the one(s) whom we believed caused the problem, and may take the form of confrontation, retaliation, withdrawal, or attempts to control others or the situation. Conversely, the reactions may be directed inwards towards the self, and may include self-deprecation, or attempts to comfort or numb the feelings, such as using prescription or recreational drugs, alcohol, over-eating, over-spending, promiscuity and other self-destructive behaviours.
In the night dream, there are no external adversaries. The drama playing itself out is between different aspects of our psyche, even if the dream seems to be about others. We take ownership of our dream, and (hopefully) do not go about confronting others the next day about what they did in our dream the night before.
This is because we do not take the dream personally, and further, because we know that we scripted the whole thing. We may not fully realize that, as we say I “had” a dream, rather than I “made” a dream, but deep down, our subconscious created the cast and the script.
The same thing happens in waking life, albeit somewhat differently. True, events actually happen, and people really do say things. However, it is our consciousness and our perceptions that create the drama around such events.
For example, a vehicle crosses over into your lane, causing you to brake to avoid a collision. Commonly, when this happens, the thought is that we have been “cut off.” An angry reaction may follow, as though the driver purposely committed an act of aggression against us. In truth, the other driver may not have shoulder checked, and may have been unaware that you were there. The act may have been careless, to be sure, but with nothing personal intended. The more personally we take it, however, the stronger will be our reaction.
The same is true with a job loss, or the ending of a relationship. Even if, in these events, we were personally attacked or blamed, we still have a choice about the opinion we hold of the event. If there is any truth in what we are being told, we can choose to take that learning and move on. If we are being blamed or attacked unfairly, we still need not take it personally, for then it is really not so much about us as what is going on in the other person’s “dream” about us.
The “peaceful warrior” is the one who never forgets that we are dreaming our reality. He/she can watch events play themselves out, but maintain contact with the “wise observer” part of his/her being. The peaceful warrior remembers that everyone is playing out their script, and it may not coincide with ours. When it does not, we bless the other, and move on.
In extreme cases, we may have to file a wrongful dismissal suit on the way out, sue for divorce, or lay charges. A peaceful warrior is not a wuss. Still, we can do it without the drama, and without taking it personally. We can do it without feeling victimized, or concluding that the world is unfair.
If we choose to have the opinion that life provides endless opportunities for remaining in a place of integrity, inner peace and equanimity, regardless of what happens, and that the greater the challenges, the deeper the wisdom we are required to access – then what is there to be disturbed about?
Gwen Randall-Young is an author and psychotherapist in private practice. For information about Dancing Soul: The Voice of Spirit Evolving, or her other books, tapes or new healing CDs go to www.gwen.ca, or contact her at gwendall@shaw.ca.
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