UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young

In the art of peace, we never attack.
An attack is proof that one is out of control.
– Morihei Ueshiba, Art of Peace

While it would seem that conflict is an inherent part of life – conflicts may occur between parents and children, within intimate relationships or in the workplace – I would be more inclined to say that differences between individuals are a natural part of life and that conflict is a result of the way we perceive and react to those differences.
Ego perceives difference as a threat, feeling the need to be right, to defend itself or take control. Ego thinks that if you are not with me, you must be against me. Ego is manifest in the little child who elbows his way to the front of the line, the one who refuses to let another child play because she is different, the one who is slighted if someone else is chosen and the sibling who tries to make the other look bad so she can be the good one.
Unfortunately, we unconsciously carry many of these childhood ego characteristics into adulthood. It is no wonder that when we see conflicts in the world they often resemble our childhood squabbles; politicians and world leaders resort to name-calling and put-downs, fight for control of resources and argue over geographical boundaries.
I recall, as a child, the boy next door telling everyone, “Get off my property!” Sometimes, we drew lines in the sandbox designating each child’s play space. It was much more fun, however, when we all collaborated, working together to build the same thing. We shared our ideas and talents, creating something far better than any of us could have done on our own. We knew instinctively that when we chose separateness and self-interest, something was lost.
When we find ourselves arguing with a spouse, it may remind us of our youthful “I did not/You did so” battles with siblings or friends. Somehow, being right and making the other wrong becomes more important than resolving the issue and getting back to having fun.
This is a clear indication that ego has moved in and is running the show.
Attack, blame, criticism and judgment are also major ego strategies. Ego is always about protecting and elevating itself, while attacking or devaluing the other. Ego seems to think life is an equation, and if the other side gets more or “wins,” then ego gets less or “loses.” By its very nature, it is impossible for ego to transcend the sense of separateness.
If we find ourselves attacking another, we must remember that this says more about us than the person we are attacking. When we go on the attack, no matter how justified we may feel in choosing a violent response, we are verbally battering another human soul. Surely this is indicative of being out of control.
The peaceful warrior, or the one skilled in the art of peace, is able to stay calm, centred and in a place of integrity, dealing with the issue, rather than the person. He/she knows that power resides in one’s own spirit and cannot be threatened. Nor does it have to be proven.
When we come from this stance, we take self out of the equation. It ceases to be about the “I” and becomes about the “We.” Even if we are being attacked, and the other is totally into separateness and polarity, our challenge is to stand firmly in our integrity.
Practising the art of peace means we do not allow the behaviour of others to pull us back into ego. We take full responsibility for our responses, never blaming another for our own bad behaviour.
When we are conflicted in our external dealings, we become conflicted within our own body/mind. When we deal with the external world peacefully, we experience peace within our own being.
As we take care in our outer world, we are also taking care of ourselves.

Gwen Randall-Young is a psycho-therapist in private practice and the author of Growing Into Soul: the Next Step in Human Evolution. For articles and information about her books and CDs, visit (www.gwen.ca).