While growing up, I always found myself enrolled in some sort of extracurricular activity, and often more than one at once. Unfortunately, despite my various lessons in skating, soccer, acting, gymnastics, kung fu, etc, I can’t claim expertise in any of them because I lacked the discipline needed to succeed and chose to let each novelty fade with the passing mood.

I’ve sometimes wondered if this is the result of a child’s typically carefree fickleness or if there is something indecisive and slightly restless ingrained into my personality. As a strong believer in one’s ability to choose and change one’s character at will, it is difficult for me to even fathom having a trait so deep-rooted and beyond my control. And yet it remains a constant in my life, making the simplest choices seem daunting and the difficult ones nearly impossible.

There are exceptions, of course. Any decision that ignites my passion or offends my moral code is a very easy one to make. For example, while choosing what to eat for breakfast can be strenuous, deciding not to steal from a friend is effortless. It appears that in order to make a resolution, I need more than just logic, I need feeling.

Are we truly in charge of who we are or are we merely captives of our deepest passions? Sure, we can control our actions for the most part through reasoning and calculation, but not without battling our often-contrary emotions. Is it worth it? I believe that if you reach some compromise between the two, absolutely.

Knowing that there are parts of yourself over which you have no immediate command is an intimidating thought because as humans it is in our nature to dominate all that we can. We forget that behind nearly all intellectual examination dwells sentiment. The battle between logic and emotion is often also a battle between emotion and realized emotion. In fact, most cases need no battle at all. With this idea in mind, I’m able to determine that my indecisiveness is merely fear in a clever guise, and fear is easily overcome once recognized.

Imagine that we are all mounds of clay. You can’t change what the clay is made out of, but you can shape it however you please. It might take a little bit of effort to make it into something that you can be proud of, but is worth every exertion. Just remember that wherever this particular journey may take you, stay happy, stay honest, and stay pensive.