TEEN VIEW by Cara Shu-Mei

While looking through some old pictures recently, I came across one of my grandmother, my mom and I: three generations of women. It started me thinking about how unique and dissimilar each of our lives has been. They grew up in a different time and country with different values and expectations. I was left with no small amount of awe at all of the memories and wisdom these two women have gained over time. What percentage of this have they passed on to me? How much is even possible to share? Sure, I’ve been told many stories, but how can an entire life’s story be inserted into casual conversation? How much would they even want me to know?

Imagine if there were somehow a machine that enabled us to witness others’ experiences as if they were our own. If it were possible, I think that we all would be extremely frightened. I can’t say that I would relish the idea of my own faults and regrets being laid out for examination. To be perfectly honest, nothing scares me more. This is predominantly because of the love-hate relationship I have with myself. What if everyone were repulsed?

Although I like to think that I generally govern myself by a strong set of ideals, I am often unsuccessful in doing so. There are times when I lose control and do something that I am not proud of. It might be a cruel word to someone who doesn’t deserve it, a secret not kept or even a deeper betrayal that is unknown except within my heart. These are among the many things that I am afraid to share with the outside world. But the more I think about it, isn’t this cowardice in itself something to be ashamed of? I have chained it to me and allowed it to suffocate me. Wouldn’t it feel good to have this weight lifted? Besides, what’s to say that if others were given the ability to peer into my soul, they would condemn rather than accept? It is only my insecurities that are telling me they would. Every person has virtues as well as faults, the former mostly outweighing the latter.

I’ve believed for quite some time that no matter how horrendous someone’s actions might be, if you think about the possible reasons and emotions behind them, you might be able to understand; and once you understand, you can no longer be angry. It’s possible that you might have done the same thing if you were in their situation. Now, if one could only apply that logic on oneself, it would be much easier to forgive and accept oneself. As a result, sharing memories of regret wouldn’t be such a scary concept.