Happily ever after


UNIVERSE WITHIN by Gwen Randall-Young

Every end is a new beginning.
– Proverb

Why is it that close to half of all marriages end in divorce? Are we more fickle, less committed, more restless and always searching for more?

We fall in love and it feels so wonderful that we want it for the rest of our lives. We get married, promising to love one another until death. We fall in love not only with the person, but also with the dream, the vision of what we think our life should be. At this moment in the evolving vision, we press pause and say that this is the picture I choose for my life.

It is the very human, egoic part of our being that does it this way. At the time, it is all that we know. We think we are the director of our life story and that we can set the agenda. If this were true, marriages would not end in divorce, accidents would not happen, loved ones would not die before we are ready to let them go and we would achieve all we desire.

Ego does not like to acknowledge that on this journey, the power is shared. We are only one half of the equation; the universe is the other half. This second half is the manifestation of soul’s destiny or purpose.

Imagine a sailboat setting out to sea. All the charts and weather patterns have been studied and a smooth, enjoyable journey is expected. Now imagine there is a sailing coach who has the ability to manipulate the oceans. He decides that, while a smooth journey would be nice, the sailor is very capable and would learn so much more if there were challenges along the way. He knows that while the challenges will be difficult, the sailor will gain strength and wisdom in struggling through them.

So the sailor sets out prepared to have an easy sail, with lots of rest and relaxation. A few days in, he discovers it will be anything but. He encounters rough seas with high waves and has to push himself to the limit to manage them. Eventually, the storm passes and he thinks the worst is now over and he can finally relax. Of course, the moment he does relax is the moment the rogue wave hits.

Our life’s journey and our relationships often go this way. While the ego plans to fall in love and live happily ever after, the soul’s agenda involves so much more. Sometimes, it seems like this: two people are drawn together with a powerful attraction and know they want to be together. Things go well as they plan their lives. Children come and they are overjoyed. A few, or many, years later, they are just not happy with each other and with their lives. Despite all of their efforts, they cannot get the feelings back. The love has faded, if not died.

It seems as though while they were dreaming, the bigger agenda involved bringing the souls of their children into this world. Those souls picked this mom and that dad and so they had to be together to fulfill this purpose. Once the purpose was fulfilled, there was no longer any reason for them to stay together. In fact, the universe had other agendas in which they needed to participate. Unaware of this, they go through all the pain and angst about how this should not have happened, as we do tend to think of divorce as a breakdown or failure of something that should have lasted.

I think we still need to believe in love, make sincere commitments and aim for the lifelong love with which some are blessed. At the same time, we need to learn to accept that the universe sometimes has other plans for us and the ending of the marriage is really no one’s fault. With this, we can learn to let go gracefully and honour one another for the gifts that surely were there, once upon a time.

Gwen Randall-Young is a psychotherapist in private practise and author of Growing Into Soul: The Next Step in Human Evolution. For more articles, permission to reprint and information about her books and “Deep Powerful Change” personal growth/hypnosis CDs, visit www.gwen.ca. See display ad this issue.